Something New in the Store

Hello, friends!

I’ve written a considerable variety of things over the years: some computer science journal articles, a couple of textbooks, a book of theological essays with new hymns, a dozen more new hymns after that, dozens of videos for The Merry Mystic, and two CDs of original music—plus, of course, a few hundred sermons. But you know what I’ve enjoyed writing the most? Fantasy romance.

Yes, really.

I’ve just published a book called The Pastor and the Priestess. It’s a feel-good story about a small-town pastor and a Wiccan priestess who find magic and romance while facing a deadly series of hate crimes. Hah! I’m grinning ear to ear just typing that description. It’s available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle editions. If it sounds like something you’d enjoy, please give it a try. And if you do enjoy it, please share a review on Amazon.

You can read more about The Pastor and the Priestess on our Store page.

Thanks and best blessings,

Adam

2019-01-15T23:40:43-06:00January 15, 2019|5 Comments

Tales of Corwin: Fantastic, Romantic, Fun, and Free

Over the past year, I’ve been enjoying writing some fiction. It’s a fantasy romance called The Pastor and the Priestess. Some of you may remember that I mentioned this project on “The Merry Mystic” last year. Well, I finished a draft of the book, and I’ve re-read it several times. And each time I re-read it, it made me happy. So I thought, hey, I’ll find a literary agent and get this thing published.

Well, that was forty rejections ago. Forty. Not even a nibble. (The first ten rejections are the hardest!) I can’t really blame them. What they’re looking for—what almost all agents are looking for—is something similar to something that has been successful. And The Pastor and the Priestess isn’t similar to much of anything. It’s by far the most commercial thing I’ve ever written—but really, that isn’t saying all that much. My last book, after all, The Inn of God’s Forgiveness, was a collection of theological essays with new hymns. Not exactly bestseller material.

But anyway: The Pastor and the Priestess still makes me smile when I read it, and it still makes me smile when I polish it up, and when I work on the sequel. So I’m not giving it up.

Instead, I’m giving it away: free fiction, published as an online serial. I’ve already posted the first couple of installments, and I’ve done them both in text and in audio form, as a podcast called “Tales of Corwin”—named for the town where the adventures take place. My plan is to release one new installment every week. That’ll give me a chance to polish my story as I go, and get your feedback on it.

You can find my web site for the Tales of Corwin at corwin.adambrookswebber.com. You can also subscribe to the podcast directly through the usual channels, like iTunes and Google Play Music.

When the whole serial is done, I plan to take it down and prepare it for print publication. So, read it for free while you can. Please share it with anyone you know who has a taste for fantasy romance. And I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

And don’t worry—I’ll get back to writing music too, and I’ll still be doing The Merry Mystic. (In fact, there’s a new episode today!)

Thanks and best blessings,

Adam

2018-04-26T15:40:13-05:00April 26, 2018|4 Comments

Up a Tree

Back in January, I posted a sneak preview of a new book I’m working on. I haven’t said anything about it since then. But I’ve been working away on it.  I’m just finishing the first draft, and I’m having so much fun with it! Today, I’d like to share another little preview. Just so you know it’s still cooking.

In this passage, our hero, Mark Collins, has been having some strange experiences with his new Wiccan acquaintances. In our last sneak preview, he had an encounter with a spirit fox, which ended with him spending the night asleep in his office. In this excerpt, he’s feeling the effects. He has a vivid dream of flying, and when he wakes up … well, read on.

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I’m enjoying writing it. This project is saving my life right now.

Blessed be!


In the morning, Mark woke slowly. At first he was aware of birdsong—it seemed to fit with something he had been dreaming. Then he was aware that he wasn’t very comfortable—he’d been sleeping in a sitting position, leaning back against something. His neck, his back, and most of all, his behind, were telling him that he’d been in the same position for too long.

Then Mark opened his eyes and realized why his body hurt: he had been sleeping in a tree. High up in a tree. He was straddling a large limb, leaning back against the trunk of the tree, and he was not holding on to anything.

Suddenly wide awake, Mark froze in a panic. He desperately wanted something to grab, something to wrap his hands around, but there was nothing within reach—nothing but the limb on which he sat, and the trunk on which he was leaning. He reached down and behind himself, pressing his palms against the broad trunk. It was solid and soothing. He squeezed his eyes shut, and made himself take some slow, deep breaths.

Eventually, curiosity overcame panic, and he opened his eyes enough to have a cautious look around. He could see where he was: that was his yard and driveway below, and his car, and the roof over the porch. He was in the old tulip tree, about on a level with his own second-story bedroom window. Overhead, he could see the next limb up—too far away to grab unless he stood first. But standing up was problematic. For one thing, he couldn’t feel his feet. His legs had fallen asleep.

Okay, then, that was step one. Mark slowly lifted both knees until he got both his feet on the limb. It was a big limb, and he found that he could easily rest both feet on it, side by side. He wiggled his feet and pushed down against the limb, trying to encourage some circulation to return to his legs. He wondered briefly how he got up in the tree, but he firmly suppressed the question. Time enough to think about that later. The main thing now was to get down.

Once the pins-and-needles feeling left his legs, he tried very slowly to stand up. By keeping his back firmly against the trunk, and by pushing with his hands as well as his feet, he was able to stand until he was within arms reach of the limb above. He grabbed it and held on tight. His legs where shaking—whether from fatigue or from fright, he wasn’t sure—but he felt better with a firm handhold.

He began looking for a way to get down. There was a ladder nearby, but it was no use to him—it was on the ground, where he’d left it when he’d cleaned the porch roof gutters. There were no lower boughs to climb down on. He was barefoot, and wearing only a T-shirt and shorts. Climbing further out on the limb wouldn’t help much—the bough might bend down a bit lower if he went out far enough, but that would also place him over the hard asphalt of the driveway. It was, he guessed, about fifteen feet to the ground. He could jump—surely a person could fall that far without serious injury—or could they? It would probably be better to hang from the limb by his hands, and then let go from there. Yes, that seemed like the best option. He even resolved to try it, but at the critical moment he found that he couldn’t bring himself to release his present handhold.

That left only one thing: waiting to be rescued. At his lonely end of the street, it wasn’t likely that calling for help would be any use. But anyone who came up to the front door would be within hailing distance. And someone would come by eventually. Yes, he remembered: Sandra was coming at around ten o’clock. He had no idea of the present time, but it was just a question of waiting. Waiting, without anything to drink. He wished he hadn’t thought of that.

He thought back to the night before. He’d come home tired. He’d checked his email, plugged in his cell phone, changed into his sleep shirt and shorts, brushed his teeth and washed his face, and climbed into bed. Then he’d had that dream, that remarkable dream, about flying. It came back to him in a rush: you don’t make yourself go up, you make everything else go down. He had felt so confident in flight, so fearless—not at all like he felt now. It was a compelling dream, but what did it mean?

Perhaps he had been … what … sleepwalking? Could he have gone downstairs, set up the ladder, climbed the tree, pushed the ladder away, and settled down on a limb for the rest of the night—and all in his sleep? It was hard to believe. But the only other explanation that came to mind was impossible.

Mark waited an uncomfortable hour for Sandra to arrive, sometimes standing, sometimes sitting on his perch in the tree. In the end, however, it wasn’t Sandra who arrived first at the house; it was Tom Bradford, the mail carrier, climbing the steps to the mailbox by the front door.

Oh, well, thought Mark. Any port in a storm.

“Hello, Tom!” he called from the tree. Tom looked around, but didn’t see him.

Mark released one aching arm from the limb above, long enough to wave it in the air. “Up here, Tom!” he called.

Tom looked up. “Pastor Collins! Whatcha doin’ up there?”

“Trying to get down! Can you help me? The ladder’s right down there.”

“Sure. Just a minute.” Tom put down his mailbag and got the extension ladder. “Pushed the ladder over, huh? Whatcha doin’ up there, anyway?”

“I don’t know, really. I must have been dreaming.” Damn, damn, damn! That would have been a really good time for a little white lie, Mark thought. Would it have been so hard to say, I was trying to rescue a cat?

“That must’ve been some dream! Here, how’s this?” Tom had extended the ladder fully and now propped it against the trunk, next to the big bottom limb. It didn’t quite reach, but by sitting back down, Mark would just be able to get his feet on the top rung. He found even this maneuver intimidating, but it was either that or calling the fire department. And he didn’t want to look like a coward. So he sat down on the limb, lowered his feet to the first rung, and swung himself out onto the ladder. The rungs of the ladder hurt his bare feet, and his legs were trembling embarrassingly as he climbed down.

“Thanks, Tom,” said Mark when he got to the bottom, shaking hands with the man. “It’s a good thing you came along when you did. I was starting to get thirsty up there.”

“Glad to help. Hey, you don’t look so good, Pastor. You better sit down—or maybe lie down.”

“No, I’m fine. Thanks again, Tom. I’ll just … I’ll just get a little breakfast, though.”

“Right.” Tom looked as though he was going to ask a question, but then changed his mind. He picked up his mailbag, and handed Mark his mail. “Here ya go. I’ll just get back to it then. Be seeing you.”

He began to walk away, but turned back after a moment, and said with a broad smile, “Hey—maybe you dreamed you was climbing Jacob’s ladder!”

“Maybe that was it. Thanks again, Tom.” Mark had a brief impulse to ask Tom to please not tell anyone about the whole tree thing, but decided against it. Trying to hush it up would only make things worse. Sharing stories was Tom’s favorite pastime, and this one would be too good to pass up. Might as well get used to it: half the people he met in town would soon be ribbing him about Jacob’s ladder.


Sandra woke up feeling bleary. After the officer had taken her report, she’d sat up reading for another hour before she’d felt like she might be able to go back to sleep. Now it was already nine o’clock, and she was running late. Not a good way to start the day. She did her morning routine on the yoga mat—a fifteen-minute flow that was part of her daily practice—and it helped her to feel more like herself. But by a quarter to ten, though showered and ready to go, she was still feeling a little tired and stiff, with a bit of a headache coming on. I need a vacation, she thought.

Then she thought of the next best thing to a vacation, and it cheered her up immediately. She’d promised to see Mark at around ten, which left plenty of time to pack a few things in her gym bag, make a quick phone call, and stop at the bakery for a bagel. She’d get something for Mark too, just in case. She couldn’t wait to see his face when she told him her plan for the rest of the morning.

When she parked in his driveway at the end of Amber street, she paused a minute to look at the house. She’d always thought of it as a charming place, a romantic place. But now, thinking of the man who lived there, she was more aware of its drawbacks. It looked very large and lonely, for one person. And it looked like a mammoth undertaking to rehab a place like that single-handed, on what was presumably a pitiful pastor’s salary. The house seemed to have a fresh roof, but in other respects it reminded her of that house in “It’s a Wonderful Life”—the old Granville house, where you made a wish and then threw a rock to try and break some glass—the house George Bailey said he wouldn’t live in, even as a ghost.

She went up the concrete steps to the porch and rang the bell by the front door. She waited, and then rang again; waited, and then rang, and knocked, and called Mark’s name. No response. But she’d seen his car there in the driveway. She looked around. A extension ladder was leaning up against a huge old tulip tree. She went back down the porch steps and over to the tree, and she looked up to see whether perhaps Mark was doing something up there, but there was no sign of him. She continued up the driveway and around to the back of the house. There was a screened-in patio at the back, and she knocked on the screened door there and called Mark’s name again. This time, she thought she heard a distant reply. She couldn’t quite make it out, but she let herself in. There were stairs from the patio going up to a back door, and another flight of stairs going down to the basement. The basement door was open. Sandra called again.

Mark’s voice came up from the basement. “I’m down here. Just a second!” When he appeared in the door, he was wearing boots, paint-spattered jeans, and a ragged sweatshirt, and there was a bright headlamp strapped to his forehead. She blinked when the light of it hit her in the eyes, and he switched it off.

“Sorry,” he said. “I was just doing a little wiring project in the basement. Come and see.”

She followed him down into the basement. It was a massive space, with a cool, humid smell of brick and dust like a separate atmosphere that enveloped Sandra at the bottom of the basement stairs. She looked around in wonder. It seemed surprisingly deep—she couldn’t have reached the bare bulbs that hung down to illuminate it, not without a step stool. It was also oddly massive. No mere posts or pillars held up the floor above, but solid brick supporting walls. It made Sandra think of a movie set: a movie about hidden Nazi art treasures, or maybe a horror flick involving an abandoned sanitarium.

“Wow,” she said. “You could fit the whole Rose and Feather down here, four times over. They don’t build them like this any more, do they?”

Mark smiled proudly. “That’s for sure. In fact, I don’t think they ever built them like this—not residential buildings, anyway. This was originally meant to be a town library, and the floors were built to hold a lot of weight. There are a lot of things in this old house that need work, but structurally, at least, it’s incredibly solid. You’re probably safer here in a tornado than anywhere else in town.”

Mark grabbed a thick black cable to show her. “Now, this is my project this morning. I’m doing some wiring for a new cooktop in the kitchen. Pulling new wire through these old walls and floors is always a challenge, but this stuff—6-gauge cable—it’s really intractable. It’s so stiff and thick—it’s like three heavy wire coat hangers together in a plastic jacket. It comes down there from the kitchen,“ —he pointed to a spot in the basement ceiling— “and I’ve run it over to there, where the new breaker box will be.”

So he had run wire from a cooktop that didn’t work, to a breaker box that didn’t exist yet. He seemed so boyishly enthusiastic about the work that she had to smile. But she could only say, “I don’t know enough about wiring to admire your work properly, but it sounds like a tough job. Do you do a lot of your own wiring?”

“Only the bits that I understand. I’m going to get a real electrician to put in the new service entrance and breaker box, if I ever get the money saved up. Come on, let’s go back up where there’s some better light.”

Back out on the patio, Mark said, “Let’s go up to kitchen. Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Yes, thanks. And I’ve brought some bagels—raisin and cream cheese.”

“Great.” Mark slowly climbed the stairs to the back door and led the way into the house.

“You’re limping!” said Sandra. “Did you hurt yourself down there?”

“Oh, I’m sore all over. My feet hurt, my back hurts, my neck hurts, everything hurts. The wiring project added my hands to the list, but everything else is from earlier this morning, or from last night, or something. The project was really just to take my mind off my troubles, I guess. It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got a story, too. But start the tea, and tell me yours first.”

Sandra took a seat at the kitchen table and and looked around. It seemed like a kitchen better suited to a big family, not a single man or, for that matter, his elderly grandparents. There were six mismatched wooden chairs around the big kitchen table, and there was a heavy hutch displaying a large collection of blue willow china—enough for twenty hungry relatives. An old double oven was built into one wall. Next to the oven was a big hole in the counter. Apparently that’s where Mark’s new cooktop was going to go. The rest of the countertops were clean and clear. In fact, looking around, Sandra saw that almost every surface in the room was clean and clear. Mark seemed to be a tidy fellow, but with no interest in decoration.

Mark washed his hands, filled an electric kettle at the sink and switched it on, and then brought down a tin of tea bags, two mugs, and two teaspoons. He was indeed moving very stiffly, Sandra thought.

“Well, here it is,” he said, bringing the tea things to the table. “The reason I’m sore all over is because I spent part of the night sleeping in a tree. In fact, I woke up there this morning.”

“I saw the ladder set up outside—was it that tree?”

“Yes, that’s the one. Only, the ladder wasn’t set up there when I woke up. And here’s the thing: I woke up in the tree, but I have no idea how I came to be there. I’ll understand if you’d like to run away now.”

“Oh, I don’t think you’re crazy,” said Sandra. “At least, not dangerously crazy. Go on.”

“Thanks. Well, I went to bed almost as soon as I got home last night. I didn’t drink; I didn’t take any drugs; I don’t even have any drugs. I did have a powerful dream.”

Sandra suddenly thought she knew where this was going. “Let me guess: a flying dream?”

“Yes, a flying dream. At first, in the dream, I struggled, and I couldn’t quite manage to stay in the air. I kept sliding on my stomach through the grass. But later, I figured out how to do it better, and it was amazing. I dreamed I flew all over town. I was on top of the high school. I flew up to the tulip tree. It was very … liberating.

“But then, when I woke up, I was actually in the tree. The ladder was on the ground nearby, where I left it a couple days ago. The only thing I can figure is that I must have used it to climb the tree in my sleep, and then pushed it away.”

“Oh, that’s the only thing you can figure, is it?”

“Yes, it is.” But Sandra thought that the note of belligerence in his voice gave it away: he had thought of another explanation, but he didn’t want to believe it. “Tom Bradford—he’s my mailman—if he hadn’t come by this morning, you’d have found me still trembling in the tree. I couldn’t bring myself to jump.”

“Of course not! You’d break an ankle, at least, from that height.”

“Well, thanks for that. I meant to do it; I just couldn’t bring myself to let go.”

“That’s just your common sense winning out over your stupidity.”

“Hmm … thanks for that too, I guess. Anyway, Tom extended the ladder, set it up against the tree, and watched as I limped pitifully down. Right now he’s spreading the story all over this end of town. I don’t doubt you’ll be hearing some version of it through the grapevine, later today.”

“So then, what? You decided to do a little wiring?”

Mark laughed sheepishly. “I had a bite to eat, and a shower, and changed my clothes. And I sat in the kitchen for a while, feeling sore, and sorry for myself. So then I thought I’d better pull myself together. Working on a project with my hands always makes me feel more … grounded.”

“So, a little therapeutic wiring.”

“Exactly.”

“And now,” said Sandra, “feeling better?”

“Yes, actually, a little. Physically worse, but mentally better.”

“Good,” Sandra said. “Sorry you had such a rough morning.” She looked at Mark closely. He looked okay—quite nice, really, with his hair tousled, and the morning sun shining on his sensitive hands where they rested on the kitchen table. But he didn’t seem comfortable, somehow—not the way a man should be, in is own home, in his own kitchen. Whatever he might say, she thought he looked a bit tender, and not just physically. She decided not to push him on the question of how he ended up in that tree. At least for now.

The tea kettle whooshed and clicked itself off. Mark put a tea bag into his mug and offered the tin to Sandra. “Do you take milk or sugar?”

“No thanks,” she said. “I’d take a slice of lemon, if you have one.”

“Yes, just a minute.” He found a lemon in the refrigerator, sliced it, and brought it to the table. “So now, tell me about your morning. You said you had a story, too.”

While they had their tea and bagels, Sandra told him the story of her prowlers, and her encounter with the police. She ended the story by saying, “So I told the officer all about waking up, hearing prowlers, and chasing them away, but I didn’t offer any information about the Rose Feather Community, and he didn’t ask. He did say he’d be calling on the neighbors today, to let them know there’s been a prowler and to ask if they’ve seen anything unusual. After that, I couldn’t go back to sleep right away, so I’m a bit of a mess this morning. But not as bad as you.”

“You think this is all connected—your prowlers, and the things your other members have reported?”

“Yes. I guess if I hadn’t scared them off, I’d have had my tires slashed or something, like Timi did last month.”

“You started to tell me about this last night. Who else has been vandalized?”

“Besides Timi, there’s Otter and Star. Theirs was the worst, I guess: someone threw their porch swing through their front window. They’re a couple, as I’m sure you gathered, and they’ve been hassled before about that, so it’s hard to be sure. But then Tabby had her mailbox shot up—that’s Tabitha, the mother of Joni, the little girl we helped last night. And maybe I’m just being paranoid, but I can’t help feeling like these things are all connected, and all aimed at us—us as a pagan community.”

“Hate crimes, in fact,” said Mark.

“Yes.”

They ate and drank in silence for a while. Finally, Mark said, “So, about the circle last night—“

“Hold on,” interrupted Sandra. “I want to talk about that too, but I have something to propose first. You’re sore all over; and for my part, I need a vacation, but I have to be back at the tavern by three. So, I have the perfect plan for both of us.”

“What’s that?”

“Soaking in a hot tub. Leone has a really nice spa in his house. He’s pretty generous about sharing it, too. I called him this morning to ask if I could use it while he’s at work, and he said to help myself.”

“Leone?” asked Mark. “Was he at the circle last night?”

“Yes. Strongly built guy, thick beard. So, here’s my plan: let’s postpone the tour of your house, and go have our talk in the tub.”

“I … that sounds heavenly, but …”

“Come on, give it a try. You’ll feel better.”

“You do realize that if anyone found out that I went hot tubbing with a pagan priestess, I’d probably be kicked out of the Corwin Area Pastors Association?”

“Of course—especially since we’ll be skyclad.”

“What?!”

“Why not? As long as you’re going to be defrocked anyway, right?” He was totally falling for it, and blushing like mad. Sandra had an impulse to find out if he’d go through with it, but she restrained herself and let him off the hook. “Just kidding, actually. I brought a bathing suit. Knowing how you Christians are so hung up about nudity.”

“I’d deny it,” he said, still blushing, “but what would be the point?”

“None at all. And just so we’re clear, Pastor, I wasn’t thinking of this as, you know, a romantic thing at all. Think of it as therapeutic. Like wiring, only actually enjoyable.”

“Yeah, okay … I’m in. Hang on a minute while I get my bathing suit.”

2017-04-03T13:58:54-05:00April 3, 2017|2 Comments

The Pastor and the Priestess

Every week, here at The Merry Mystic, I try to share work that’s current—what I’m really excited about, really thinking about, really working hard on, right now. Well, for the last few weeks, I’ve been working on something fun, something completely different. There’s no video this week because it’s a writing project, and I’m going to share a sample of it with you today.

To tell the truth, I’m a little nervous about sharing this, because it’s a kind of writing I’ve never tried before. I’ve written songs, choral arrangements, and instrumental music; I’ve written blog posts and essays, poetry and lyrics, journal articles and conference papers; I’ve written a couple of computer science textbooks, and a whole book of progressive Christian theology with new hymns; and, of course, I’ve written a great many sermons. But for a long time now I’ve been thinking how the sermon is a highly overrated form of communication; I’ve been thinking that perhaps I can say more, and have more fun, in some other way. So now I’m working on a novel. It’s genre fiction. In fact, it’s paranormal romance.

Yes, really.

The Pastor and the Priestess is my new work. It’s set in the fictional small town of Corwin, Illinois. Mark Collins is the pastor of the Corwin Congregational Church; Sandra Seven-Song is the leader of a Wiccan community, and also the proprietor of a local tavern called the Rose and Feather. The Pastor and the Priestess is the story of their adventures together.

I’m having a lot of fun writing it, and today I’d like to share just a little sample with you. This is from early in the book, starting with the second time Mark and Sandra meet. (The first time, let me just say, things didn’t go so smoothly!)

I hope you enjoy this sneak preview. And, please, I could use some feedback! If you love it and want more, tell me so; if you think I should go back to songwriting, tell me that (gently!). And if you have wishes about where you’d like to see the story go, I’d like to hear them. I can’t promise to grant them, but I can promise to take them seriously.

Blessed be!


The rest of the day passed quickly, but with none of the work Mark had intended to do. First, there were several walk-ins, and he spent a little time with each one. Then there was a lunch meeting with Katie Polluck, a church member who had recently lost her job. Then Shirley Johnson needed someone to take her to an appointment with her doctor, and her doctor said she needed to go to the ER. And Shirley said she wasn’t going to the ER, where they would probably put her in the hospital again, with dirty hair; and Mark finally got her to agree to the ER only by promising to first take her to the beauty parlor for a quick wash.

By the time he left the hospital, it was after 7:00 PM. He drove through the McDonald’s to pick up something for dinner, and then decided to take it back to the church. He knew the day wouldn’t feel productive if he didn’t get some writing done. Perhaps he could have just a little time for it now.

That’s how it happened that Mark was alone in the church, working in his study, the second time he met Sandra. He was lost in his work, playing around with chord voicings at the piano keyboard, when he heard her voice at the study door.

“Hello?”

Turning, he saw Sandra, wearing black leggings and a knit hoodie dress, with a heavy plaid shirt tied around her waist. “Sandra! I was just thinking about you. What brings you here?”

She took two steps into the office and planted her feet. “I just need to say, I’m sorry. About yesterday, Pastor.”

“Just Mark, please.”

“I’ve been getting hassled a lot recently,” she said, “but not by you. And my friends tell me you’re not … like that.”

“Like what?”

“Well, like an intolerant, ignorant, bigoted, judgmental, holier-than-thou, flaming asshat, actually.”

Mark laughed. “I hope not! But it sounds like you’ve met some.”

“You have no idea.”

“No, probably not. But I know at least that it is annoying when people stereotype you because of your religion.”

“Yes. Sorry again.”

“Can we start over? Give me thirty seconds?”

“Fair enough. Go.”

“My name is Mark Collins. I like to write music, and sing. I like to run. I like movies. I like to walk in the woods. I always tell the truth—well, almost always. And I’m telling the truth now when I say that I never had any plans to persecute you, or convert you, or make any trouble for you, or whatever it was you were afraid I was going to do back at the park.”

“But you do think I’m going to hell, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t. For that matter, I don’t really believe in hell.”

“And you don’t want to convert me—to make me change?”

Mark thought about that. “Well,” he said, “I’m pretty sure we could all do with some change. Let’s just say, I don’t think I know what change you need.”

He sighed. “To me, being a Christian primarily means following the way of Jesus, which is mostly about treating other people with lovingkindness. It isn’t about judging people, and it isn’t about having all the answers. Jesus wasn’t really all that interested in what people believed—or, anyway, he was far more interested in how people behaved.”

“Sounds reasonable. But are you telling me that everyone in your church feels that way?”

“Well, no. There are a lot of … diverse views. I suppose there are a few people in the church who would cross the street if they saw you coming, if they knew. I’ve been pastor here for just two years. Many of the members are more … well, more conservative than I am. Especially the older members.”

“Ah. Then maybe it would be best if they didn’t see you talking to me. I usually keep a low profile, but ….” She trailed off.

He gave her a skeptical look. “Low profile. Really.”

“Yes, really, Pastor Dickhead.”

“Did you just call me a dickhead?”

She smiled. “Yes, but I meant it in the nicest possible way. And now it’s my turn.”

“To do what?”

“To tell you about myself. Only, it’s not really a telling thing. More of showing thing. And now I have to get back to the bar.”

“The Rose and Feather?”

“Yes. Stop by some time.” She looked pointedly at Mark’s dinner, a Quarter Pounder still in its wrapper on the desk. “You’re not really going to eat that, are you?”

“I was, yes.”

“Eew. We do a much better burger at the Rose and Feather. Organic, local beef.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Gotta go. Blessed be, Pastor.” She paused in the doorway, and looked over his shoulder at the shelf above. “By the way—nice candle.” With that, she was gone.

Mark looked too, over his shoulder at the shelf above his desk. Then he looked again, sharply: the green pillar candle on the shelf was alight. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d lit that, or any other candle in his study. Months, probably. Did she do it? And more to the point—how did she do it?

He slowly unwrapped his Quarter Pounder and took a bite, watching the candle. He stared at it reflectively, until his tired eyes began to tear up. Then, blinking away the tears, he became aware of another light in the room. He turned to look, and saw a fox.

A luminous fox. In his study. In his church.

It was a glowing apparition of silver and blue, and it was watching him. He turned slowly in his chair to face it squarely. What do you say to a luminous fox?

“Hello, fox-friend,” he said. “Is there something I can do for you?” It didn’t respond. Its eyes were bright, and seemed very alive and intelligent. “You’re quite beautiful, aren’t you? Why are you here?” Again, no response. “Would you like something to eat?” He slowly broke off a bit of his burger and held it out. The fox’s mouth opened, but not to eat. It cocked its head, and its tongue lolled out. Clearly, it was laughing at him.

Then there was a sound like hundreds of tiny bells. The fox began to turn around, as if chasing its tail, but ever so smoothly, and it began to spiral up into the air. It gave a sudden call, like a bark or a scream, and Mark seemed to feel the force of it with some unfamiliar part of his spine. It made him blink for a moment, and when he opened his eyes again, the apparition was gone, and he was alone in his study once more.

“I’ll be damned,” said the pastor. “God bless you, little fox-friend.” He got up and walked around the spot where the fox had appeared, but there was nothing there to be seen. As the shock of the moment drained away, he felt very tired. He sat back down, put his head down on his desk, and closed his eyes, just for a moment.

Mrs. Fludd found him sound asleep there at 8:30 the next morning. After waking him and sending him home for a shower and a shave, she phoned her friend Trisha Michaels, who was on the church board, to tell her they were working their pastor too hard.


Mark had too many obligations that day, and the day after as well, so it was Friday before he found a chance to visit the Rose and Feather on Seventh Street. The Rose and Feather was actually below Seventh Street, he found—six steps down from the street level.

It was early afternoon, and the place was very quiet. Inside the light was low, and it seemed dim after the daylight. The interior was finished in rough, darkly stained wood. There were a dozen four-top tables in the middle of the room. Around the walls, on the entrance side and to the left, were casement windows in street-level window wells; seating there was in booths, with high dividers between them. Along the wall to the right of the entrance was the bar, with no windows on that side. To the rear there was a small, empty stage, with swinging doors to the right that appeared to lead to the kitchen, and an open passage to the left that appeared to be another exit. A couple of the booths seemed to be occupied, but all the tables were empty, and nobody was sitting at the bar.

Mark went to the empty bar and took a seat. The bartender was a petite young woman with purple, spiky hair. She was perched on a stool in the far corner, with a notebook in her lap and a book in her hand, but she looked up, smiled, and said a bright hello. Mark thought she seemed to be about 18—was that even legal for tending bar in Illinois? She came over and put both hands on the bar in front of him, her tank top revealing tattooed arms and shoulders.

“What can I get you?” she asked.

“Let’s see,” he said, looking at the taps, “you could draw me a Guinness, and something to eat. I hear you do a good burger here?”

“Yup. But our cook’s off now until five o’clock, so that’s all we have to eat.” She pointed to the chalked sign behind the bar. “Veggie soup? Beef stew? Cheese and bread board?”

“Beef stew sounds good.”

She drew a pint glass of Guinness about three quarters full, set it down by the taps, and went into the kitchen, coming back a minute later with a bowl of stew and a hunk of bread on a plate. She put that down in front of Mark, and said, “Just another minute on that Guinness.”

“Thanks, that’s good.” Mark bowed his head over the steaming bowl and gave thanks, silently. He broke the warm bread and inhaled the scent of it deeply before biting into it. “Ahh … this is heavenly.”

“Butter?”

“No, thanks. It’s perfect just like this.”

She topped off the glass of Guinness and set it down in front of Mark on a stone coaster.

“Thank you. Beautifully done.” Mark savored the first swallow. “Okay, this is, like, the perfect meal,” he said. “I can’t believe I’ve lived in this town for two years and never found this place before. Is it always this quiet?”

“No,” she said, “it’s busier at night, especially when there’s entertainment. But yeah, this is pretty normal for, what, nearly two.”

“Huh. I like the atmosphere—sort of cave-y, in a good way. It feels safe. Sorry I interrupted your studies, by the way. Feel free to get back to it—don’t worry about me.”

“That’s okay. I needed to rest my eyes.”

“Is it for a class you’re taking?”

“Yeah—mechanical engineering.”

She gave him a look, as if daring him to make some kind of crack about it. But he only smiled and said, “Neat. Tough class?”

“No, totally boring, really. But it’s required for the major.”

“Well, good luck.” He looked over to the stage. “Who performs on the stage here?”

“Locals, mostly. Never anything too loud. Open mic on Tuesday nights. Singer-songwriter, spoken word, that kind of thing.”

“Hmm.” That sounded like a clue. “Do you maybe take a turn at the open mic?”

“Sometimes. You a therapist?”

“No.” Mark thought for a moment. “What makes you think I’m a therapist?”

“Something about the way you talk. Like you want to get me to share and stuff, but not like you’re trying to get into my pants. Like a therapist. Or some kind of investigator—but they usually lay it on thick. You’re … nice.” The way she said it, it didn’t sound like a compliment, particularly.

Mark laughed. “Thanks, I think. Well, I’m not a therapist … but you’re close. I’m a pastor.”

“You’re Mark!”

Mark couldn’t think of anything to say.

“I’m Terri,” she said, offering her hand. “Sandra told me about you—said you might come in.”

“Hmm. Yes, and I’ll definitely be coming back again. To try that famous burger. And, of course, to try to get into your pants.”

He was gratified that she looked surprised, for maybe a tenth of a second, but then she laughed. “Good try, Pastor. But I still say you’re nice. I should get back to the books, but let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks. Could I have the check now, please? I’m not—I’m not planning to eat and run, but I am expecting a phone call, and I might have to.”

“Sure thing, Pastor.”

“Just Mark, please.”

She got his check and left it by his place, then retired to her book and her stool in the corner.

Mark took out the Kindle reader from his jacket and opened to the fantasy novel he was reading. He ate slowly, savoring the stew, and lost himself in the book. After a while, surfacing from the story, he realized first that his bowl was empty, and second that someone was sitting on the barstool next to him. He looked up—it was Sandra.

“So, Mark,” she said, “how do you like the Rose and Feather?”

“Well,” he said, closing the book and putting it down, “it’s oddly perfect, so far. Not what I was expecting. I mean … well, I’m not sure what I was expecting.”

“More pagan-themed tchotchkes? Crystals, candles, pentagrams?”

“Well, okay, pretty much.”

“They’re here, if you know where to look. There’s a couple doing tarot readings in booth four. There’s a charm over the door. There are some carvings, here and there. And then there’s Terri’s tattoos. Didn’t you notice?”

“Well, sure, but I didn’t want to stare.”

“Did you meet Terri?”

“Yes. She seemed to be expecting me.”

Sandra called over to Terri in the corner. “This guy hitting on you, Terri?”

“Yeah,” she called back, “but I cooled him off.”

“Hey!” said Mark. “I never—you said—” He broke off, seeing that they were both laughing at him. “Now why does everybody think I’m obviously harmless? It’s that pastor thing again, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s you. Believe me, it’s not because you’re a pastor, but in spite of it.”

“How’s that?”

“Around here, at least, knowing you’re a church guy doesn’t make people less likely to think you might be a sexual predator.”

“Ah. Then you’re saying … it is a compliment?”

“It is. ‘Angels and ministers of grace, defend us.’”

Wow, he thought, she recognized a quote from Star Trek IV. “Hamlet, act one, scene four. You’re full of surprises. Speaking of which … tell me about the candle.”

“What candle?”

“You know what candle. The one you lit in my office.”

She batted her eyelashes, saying, “Whatever do you mean?” Then she laughed. “Well, I wanted to see how you’d take it. You were honest with me, so I felt like I should be honest with you. And the first thing you need to know about me is that things like that happen. You’re here, and you’re not pretending it didn’t happen, so I’m guessing it didn’t freak you out completely.”

“No,” said Mark. “Well, not completely. It doesn’t bother me that strange things happen—I’ve been aware of that since I was a kid. It’s part of why I do what I do. But if you cause strange happenings—well, that’s beyond my experience.”

“I can, sometimes, make strange things happen,” answered Sandra. “More often, though, strange things happen around me, way beyond anything I could make happen by myself. The world is full of magic, you know.”

“Yes, I think that too,” responded Mark. “But, you know, in my tradition, we never tell the magic in the world what to do. We pray, of course … but anyway, I wonder whether we’re talking about the same thing. I mean, I can’t light a candle with a thought. Might be handy in church, come to think of it….”

“Hah! Have you ever tried?”

“No. And I wouldn’t know where to begin. Just not one of my talents, I suppose.”

“You never know. It’s sort of like wiggling your ears. It seems impossible at first—until you’ve done it, and you can feel where those muscles are.”

“Interesting theory. But I was actually more freaked out by the fox.”

“The fox?”

“Yes, the fox. Oh, come on! Don’t pretend you don’t know anything about the fox.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t know anything about any fox, Pastor Dickhead.”

“Whatever you say, Witchiepoo.”

In the corner, Terri choked out a laugh, spluttering and coughing.

“Mechanical engineering good for a laugh, there, Terri?” called Mark.

“Hilarious. I just snorted Coke out of my nose. And spilled it all over my notes, too. I’m gonna go clean this up. Don’t say anything funny while I’m gone.”

Mark turned back to Sandra. “Sorry I doubted you. I thought it must be your doing. There’s never been a fox in my office before.”

“Tell me about the fox.”

“Well, right after you left, I was looking at the candle, when suddenly there was this—I can’t believe I’m saying this—this luminous fox, right in the middle of my office.”

“What did you do?”

“Well, I couldn’t think what to do, so I offered it some of my Quarter Pounder. It wasn’t interested.”

“Smart fox.”

“Then it … I don’t know how to describe this. It made this barking sound that went right through me. It sort of danced in a circle, up into the air, and it vanished. Oh, and it seemed to be laughing at me.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know how to do something like that. Conjuring a spirit fox, I mean—the part about laughing at you, I could maybe handle. Was there anything odd about its tail?”

“Besides being made entirely of light, you mean? I didn’t really notice the tail. The eyes were … compelling.”

“The kitsune of Japanese folklore sometimes has multiple tails, so I was just thinking. But actually, I’m pretty sure ….” Her eyes unfocused, and she stared into space for a moment. “This is just what I meant when I said that strange things happen, beyond anything I could make happen by myself ….”

After a few seconds, she looked at him sharply again. “So, here’s the thing. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I think you should come to our circle this Sunday night. Quick action—that’s fitting for a fox spirit. I’m not sure what you’ll see, but I’m pretty sure you won’t be bored.”

“Okay. But how about you come to my service Sunday morning too?”

“Sounds fair.”

“Are you sure your other, um, participants won’t mind my being there at your circle? I wouldn’t want to intrude, or to alarm anyone. Maybe they’ll be worried I’m going to take out my Bible and start smacking them with it. You were.”

“Well, let’s ask one of them.” She called to Terri, who was just coming back in from the kitchen. “Terri, would you mind if the pastor here came to our circle Sunday night?”

“No, I wouldn’t mind. He’s nice. And harmless.”

“Oh, bite me,” said the pastor.


2017-01-09T09:30:09-06:00January 9, 2017|11 Comments

Fiction: Eucharist

The priest was a very careful man, and we all knew it. We always sat in the same place, and we always had a great view of his methodical work at the altar. Sometimes the incense tickled our noses there, mine and Mother’s and Father’s and little Rachel’s. But when the priest sang the Sanctus we all sang along—quietly, under our breaths, so no one could hear us—and when the acolyte rang the little bells, we tensed with excitement. The priest was a very careful man, but perhaps today would be the day. Perhaps, today, we would get a share of the Body of Christ.

When the priest called on the Holy Spirit to bless the host, we watched breathlessly. Well, I’m exaggerating a little—little Rachel didn’t really understand what was happening, and her attention sometimes wandered to Mother’s face—but we others watched so hard that our eyes stung for want of blinking. When the priest elevated the host and broke it, we strained to see any crumb that might fall. But our biggest chance came after the important people had received the sacrament. Then the priest would drink off the contents of the chalice, down to the last drop, and he would carefully collect the unused wafers and place them in the little box with the red lamp above it. Then he would tap the crumbs together on the silver plate and eat them all himself, and our hopes would be dashed.

Still every now and then—no more than once a year, for, as I have said, he was a very careful man—a crumb would fall to the floor unnoticed. And then, as a hymn began to come from the old organ, Father would dash out, grab the crumb, and bring it back to us in the grate under the altar piece.  Then, tails quivering with delight, we would share our Eucharist.  For even the dogs—yes, even the mice—may have crumbs from God’s table, if they dare.

2012-01-03T20:37:30-06:00January 3, 2012|1 Comment

Fiction: P.S.

…I hope this finds you and your dear wife well.  Please give my regards to Anne and Bill and our other friends at the Institute.

Yours truly,

Alvin

P.S. I forgot to mention: I have been working on a new mathematical theory of the universe of multiple dimensions.  I had an idea about applying the lambda calculus to the problem we were discussing over sherry that last evening—do you remember?  I can’t wait to show you.

P.P.S. Now it just struck me: if the human mind is, as I think, capable of holding these generating formulas in tension then interdimensional travel should be possible.  Who knows what strange and exotic dimensions we might enter using one of the many universe generators.  Query: are there infinitely many such alternate universes, as I guess? Countably infinite, or uncountably?  Must consider this.

P.P.P.S.  I’m sure this could work!  One simply holds the generating formula for an alternate universe in the mind; one imagines applying the Y-combinator, and then—there you are, Q.E.D.!  For example, if I take the ?4 generator we discussed and hold it firmly in my mind, and then concentrate on applying the Y-combinator, like this, then I should

2012-01-02T17:19:00-06:00January 2, 2012|0 Comments
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